I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
