He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
