You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
