i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
