FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
