I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
