He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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