No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
