wat bout pragnant strippers??
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
