yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
