She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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