Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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