he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
