WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
