it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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