he wants to bone in the snuggie
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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