be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
