I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
