nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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