this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
