just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
