Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
