I want to walk on stilts...naked
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
