Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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