My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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