You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You're a waste of cheezeits
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
