found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
