Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
