Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize