R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
