Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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