You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize