I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
