Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
