thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
