Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
