he told me I talked like a deaf person
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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