Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
