this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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