somebody snuck up and got me drunk
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
