I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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