he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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