This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
