Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
