I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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