she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
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Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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