you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
