I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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