Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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