Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
