I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
