he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
NoShamevember. You game?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
