I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
