We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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