I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
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