I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
