so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
