It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
