the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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