allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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