what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
