You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How does one acquire holy water?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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