I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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