no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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