Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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