there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
